Live Well, Stress Less

“[H]ave patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”  Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903 in Letters to a Young Poet

This Rilke quote is among one of my favorites. As a student in school, I think I internalized that I had to know the answer and there was only one right answer.  This caused a lot of stress because I didn’t think I could say “I don’t know,” and all the possibilities that lay before me would often feel confusing. “What if I chose the wrong thing?”

As I’ve gotten older, I realize there is a beauty in admitting that I don’t know, in realizing that life is not a multiple choice test that you pass or fail, in admitting that things aren’t black and white. There is more than one answer to any question. Some things are mysteries. What I choose will shape my life but there will always be surprises and things I didn’t desire or expect. I can choose to fight and control or I can point my sails and work with the wind in the direction I want to go and notice the experience.   I can be open to the things that present themselves that open my mind and heart to things that hadn’t even occurred to me.  Being rigid and knowing things makes for a very tight heart that tends to judge others.  Being curious and admitting that there are many things I don’t know allows my heart to expand. 

This may be a little deep today. But I’m feeling like all the possibilities are wide open right now. I am in the home stretch of finishing my book From Scared to Sacred that I have worked on for the last two years. I don’t know where it will lead me. I have plans and ideas but I am also open to the mystery and the journey.

I don’t have to know everything today. I will never know everything. Better to embrace the adventure and see what unfolds than to be paralyzed trying to find the answers.

This is my mantra these days. Enjoy now. Embrace the adventure and be joyfully curious. Love Not Knowing and Live the Mystery!  Oh yeah and keep writing! 

Hugs

Carol

| Tags: Author's Musings, Embrace the Adventure, From Scared to Sacred, Questions, Rilke | Category: Carol's Book Adventure, Philosophy, Reporting In, Spiritual | Leave a comment

Sweatshirt in Trash

For the last several years, my favorite winter sleeping attire has been a sage green men’s extra large B.U.M. Athletic equipment sweatshirt.  A few months ago as I folded laundry, I noticed how worn out the cuffs and neckline of the sweatshirt were.  But I put it back on the shelf in my closet and it still was my favorite thing to sleep in on a cool night alone. 

Over the last few weeks the sweatshirt has literally begun to disintegrate.  It now has holes in it.   But every time I thought about putting it in the trash, there was a pang.  I didn’t want to part with it even though it was so old and tattered that I’d never wear it in front of other people. 

Part of me knew that walking around in a rag doesn’t send good messages to my subconscious about what I deserve in life.  But like a child with a security blanket I didn’t want to give it up.  Today as I was out walking the dog, I realized that all our old habits that we don’t want to give up are like that sweatshirt.  They are comfortable.  They are old friends that have served us in the past.  But they are not necessarily serving our highest good today. 

What is it I want out of my life today? What messages do I was to send myself about what I deserve?  Certainly I deserve better than wearing a rag! 

Today for me is the first official day of my new year.  The holidays are over.  It is Monday.  All the goals I have for myself are calling to me. I can’t create new things in my life if I hang onto the old habits and comforts that no longer serve me. 

So an hour ago, I took the sweatshirt out to the trash today and said goodbye.  Tomorrow, I’m going to go out and buy some amazing new sleepwear–warm and comfy but feminine and pretty.  After all I certainly deserve it!

And you do too!  You may not be hanging onto an embarrassing piece of clothing but almost every person I talk to has something they are hanging on to, that they are embarrassed to admit and know they should let go of.  It may not be a physical thing.  It may be a belief that no long serves you.  Whatever you become aware of today—think just possibly you are reading this because it is time for you to let go of that thought or item just like I today let go of that sweatshirt.

Let’s start the New Year with the mindset that we aren’t hanging on to old stuff that is comfortable but not a symbol of the life we want to create.

| Tags: letting go of old habits, New Goals, New Year, old clothes, security blankets | Category: Inspiration, Lifestyle, Reporting In | Comments (2)

My son who is away in college sent me a great article today. it is about how luck is not random or cosmic, but a function of how we approach life and how we “see” the things and events around us.  A man named Richard Wiseman in the UK studied people who believed themselves to be lucky and unlucky, and learned some valuable information about how each and every one of us can LEARN to be lucky. I like this so much, I think I’ll write about it for my next Signal newspaper article.

Here’s the link so you can read it yourself:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/3304496/Be-lucky—its-an-easy-skill-to-learn.html

Joining the lucky group,

Karen

| Category: Inspiration | Comments (1)

While it might not come as a surprise to anyone, music can help your heart. This article on CNN, relates the results of a study of the effects of music on the heart  by Dr. Mike Miller, a research cardiologist at the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore.

“The inner lining of the blood vessel relaxed, opened up and produced chemicals that are protective to the heart,” Miller said describing the effect of listening to music in his study.   But when participants listened to music they didn’t particularly enjoy, Miller said, “the vessels actually began to close up.” 

Guess that gives me another justification to go out and listen to some of my favorite bands.  Now if we could only deduct concert tickets as a health expense–LOL!

| Tags: Heart, Listening to Music, Mike Miller, music, stress reduction, University of Maryland Medical Center | Category: Health, In the News, Stress | Leave a comment

Have you ever had that frustrating moment when you realize that you are fighting against yourself?  When it becomes very clear to you that all the parts of yourself are in the boat and rowing in different directions? Where a part of you wants to move forward and another part is quite happy to say right where it is and another part that wants to turn around and row for home? I call this the “I do, but I don’t” conflict.

• I do want to lose weight but I don’t want to give up my favorite foods or change my exercise habits.
• I do want to have fantastic success with my book but I don’t want to face criticism and have people not like it.

Those are just a couple examples from my life.  It is like I am broadcasting mixed messages to myself and the universe. So I get mixed results in my life.

Today I’m setting the intention to make peace between the personalities inside me that want to go in different directions. I’m not quite sure how to do that but I do know that stating that I am willing to be healed can open my consciousness to that very healing.

This is deep work and I trust that my highest self and my connection to spirit will help me mediate these internal conflicts if I give it some time and attention.

I started by meditating and asking for assistance. I’ll let you know what answers I got . . . next post.

hugs
Carol

| Tags: asking for help, Fighting yourself, internal conflict, Meditation, resistance | Category: Lifestyle, Philosophy, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

In keeping with Carol’s Dan Milman post about going with the flow and accepting what is and going with the flow, I am quite proud of myself for accepting an opportunity that flowed my way quite suddenly last week. I was standing at my son’s cross country meet on Wednesday next to another parent, who was busy on his cell phone working on his All Corked Up Wine Festival that was scheduled for Saturday – three days ahead.  I asked him how it was going, and he said fine, and then he stopped and said: “Hey!  We just had a vendor fall out of the festival – do you want to have a booth for Balance Point?”  There are only ten vendors at the event, it’s pretty cheap, it’s just from 5 – 9  Saturday night, and it’s going to be great!”  (You may remember that I own a day spa with my husband).

I have to admit that first, a few objections went flying through my head: “How can I get everything together in two and a half days?!?”   “Can I afford the fee?”  ” Will any of my employees be able to work it?”  Can I set it up myself, since Brian has to work all day Saturday?”   “How will I get Connor to his cross country meet in La Crescenta Saturday morning?”  “How will he get home?”, etc., etc., etc.

But then, as I thought about everything, I found these words coming out of my mouth: “I actually think we can do that.” Yeah – I was slightly surprised, too,  but it really did feel possible, and as soon as I had run it by Brian and lined up one other massage therapist to staff the booth, I nailed it down with the festival organizer the next morning.

I am sure we were the only company there that pulled together their booth and products or services in less than two days, but no one knew it. It went really well, the booth looked great, and we had a really fun evening.  Additionally, I was able to take Connor to the cross country meet AND watch his race (it was schedule early in the morning), get him home, and take everything over to set up by noon.  My great friend Cindy volunteered to help me do setup, and she brought along a friend named Julie (an incredibly good sport with a great eye for design), and we had everything up in less than an hour and a half.  I got to go home, take a shower, relax a bit, and drive together with Brian to the event.  Everything just flowed along. We sold product, handed out coupons and spa menus, had as many as three massages going at one time, and even got to do some wine tasting ourselves.  Even the cleanup at the end was easy – we were out of there by 10:30 and home for a good night’s sleep soon after, the proud owners of several nice festival wine glasses people had left at our booth.

I am so glad to have gone with the flow, instead of buying into my thinking about it all being too hard and too last minute.

Sometimes we realize that  most of the barriers we encounter are ones we make up in our heads.

Now to STAY in that flow!

Karen

| Tags: All Corked Up Wine Festival, Balance Point Spa, barriers, choice, Cross Country, Dan Milman, flow, La Crescenta, massage, running, staying in the flow, success, wine tasting | Category: Food, Inspiration, Philosophy | Comments (1)

Thanks to Deborah Cujino Deras for sharing this video on Surrender on Facebook. I think it is one of the best descriptions of the Spiritual Law of Surrender. Contrary to popular belief, surrender isn’t passive.  It is one of the most active things we can do.

I can co-create with the universe but only when I don’t waste my energy. I need to work with “what is” as starting point.
If I spend too much time griping or fighting what is, I diminish my power.

Thanks Dan Milman and thanks Deborah!

| Tags: Dan Milman, Deborah Cujino Deras, Law of Surrender, Surrender | Category: Inspiration, Philosophy, Spiritual | Leave a comment

I’m reading The Four-Day Win: End Your Diet War and Achieve Thinner Peace
by Martha Beck. It is book about dealing with compulsive and emotional eating from the brain science stand point.  For myself and my clients, I need to get a grip on why I know what to do, (eat right and exercise) but I often find myself doing the exact opposite of what I planned on doing at the beginning of the day.

Today I had a conversation with myself writing with my right hand–my dominant hand and answering the question with my left or non-dominant hand. (This exercise is in chapter 9 of Beck’s book.)  It was very informative and led to an interesting meditation.  I’ll summarize the conversation below:

DH: How are you doing today?

NDH: Feel alone like no one loves me.

DH: What can I do to help?

NDH: Stop being so hard on me. Let me do silly stuff.

DH: What kind of silly stuff?

NDH: Painting Piano Facial Massage Beach

DH: What do you need so that we will stop eating so much sugar?

NDH: Love me. Don’t take away my cookies!

DH: I do love you.

NDH: No you don’t you are mean!

DH: How am I mean?

NDH: Expect too much.  No love

DH: What is the most loving thing I could do for you today?

NDH: Tell me you love me. Meditate on loving me.

So I sat for 15 minutes and just used “I love you Carol” as the mediation. Like a mantra, I kept repeating it and noticing what happened in my body. I actually could feel a box around my heart, like it felt shut off from the world.  My throat would close and open.  I’d feel like I wanted to cry. I’d feel panic. And I just kept saying, “I love you Carol.” I did that for 15 minutes.  When it was over, I felt wonderful.

I know the part of me that needed the love was a much younger version of myself. Feels like she was about 8 years old!  And she didn’t hear that much at 8!  I’m going to continue working with the two handed writing exercise and the “I love you Carol”  meditation for several days.   It seems a part of me really needs it.

Aren’t we all craving love and acknowledgment? Why should we wait for others to do that for us?  It is one of the best gifts I can give myself–to speak to all the parts of myself I’ve judged, been ashamed of, hidden and ignored and say, “I love you, Carol!”

The world needs more love and sometimes the best place to start is where it might feel the hardest–with yourself. If you do it, I’d really love to know what you experienced.  Post here or send me a private email at carol@carolwoodliff.com.

Hugs and I love you!

Carol

| Tags: book, diet, emotional eating, Martha Beck, Meditation, self worth, Self-love, The Four Day Win | Category: Exercise, Food, Inspiration, Lifestyle, Spiritual, Weight | Leave a comment

Wow – I looked on this blog today and realized the last time I posted was back in April. Has anyone else found that menopause, or life in general has kicked their butt this year?  It has for me, and I am done with it!  I have been eating better this month, and feel much better.  More energy, dropped 8 lbs (after the cruise to Alaska – more on that another time), and am getting waaaay more done.  I’ve gotten things done and cleaned out that have been waiting to be done since…..well, since at least last April when I stopped writing.

I have to credit Carol for some part in my resurrection – she has kept me going, her book mission is inspiring to me, and going to the Lovehammers show Friday with her, Julie,  my husband and son was energizing (after I slept in on Saturday).

So, here as promised back in April, are some links to the past couple of articles for The Signal newspaper. The next one goes out Friday, and I promise I’ll be better at getting it up then – it has a really fun story about my son Kyle in it.

Access the Internet for inspiration: Just one online quote a day can help keep your stress at bay

Unplug and recharge during energy brownout

N.B.  I don’t always come up with the titles – they seem to change them to “jazz them up” more often than not.

If you too have had a slump recently, I’d love to hear your techniques for how you got yourself out of it.  I think that’s an area where we can all help each other.

Loving being back in the swim.

Karen

| Tags: friends, healthy eating, losing weight, Lovehammers, Menopause, slumps, Stress, Stress management, stress reduction, The Signal | Category: Reporting In, Stress, Uncategorized | Comments (1)